To the tune of “Honesty” by Billy Joel.

If you search for Jesuits
They’re not too hard to find
And for that Pope Pius is to blame
But if you look at Holy Writ
It might just blow your mind
Never seems to say just what they claim

Heresy is such an ugly word
Means that your beliefs aren’t true
Heresy is often overheard
And mostly what I get from you

I can never find someone
With “SJ” in their name
Who seems orthodox that I’ll admit
But I don’t want some modernist
With his modernistic claims
What I want’s to say “Anathema sit!”

Heresy is such an ugly word
Means that your beliefs aren’t true
Heresy is often overheard
And mostly what I get from you

I can’t find a premise
I can’t find a term
No Thomas anywhere that I do confirm
Unclear and confusing
That’s all they’ve really got
Why don’t they read some Ludwig Ott?

Now we’re missing clarity
Their order’s just a mess
Times up, you know what I mean
I say with all due charity
It’s time to re-suppress
Time to pull a Clement the Fourteen!

Heresy is such an ugly word
Means that your beliefs aren’t true
Heresy is often overheard
And mostly what I get from you