Protestants reading John 6 #Humor #Goodfun

I guess Protestants reading John 6 for the first time must go something like this:

“I am the bread of life.” [Well, He means figuratively. OK.]

“Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread which comes down from heaven, that a man may eat of it and not die.” [Figurative eat of it right Jesus?]

“I am the living bread which came down from heaven; if any one eats of this bread, he will live for ever;” [So…He is the living bread, but when he says eat, he meant figuratively.]

“and the bread which I shall give for the life of the world is my flesh.”

[Erm…figuratively though. I bet he’s about to clarify this.]

“The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?”” [Well. Duh. He’s talking figuratively guys. Just listen, you’ll understand in a second.]

“So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you;” [Drink his blood. I mean, that’s a PRETTY graphic figurative expression, but He’s totally gonna explain.]

“he who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.” [Erm…I’m pretty sure he doesn’t REALLY mean that His flesh is ACTUALLY meant to be food.]

“For my flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed.” [Ahh hmm…so like He must mean it’s REALLY food…figuratively]

“He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him.”

[He’s REALLY going all in with this figurative language. Still, He doesn’t mean we’re supposed to actually eat him. I’m pretty sure about that. Definitely not supposed to actually eat…]

“As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats me will live because of me.” [Will figuratively live. No, wait, I mean figuratively eat, I mean figuratively…shoot…where was I? Oh right, he’s just about to change the language I bet to use a different word than “eat”]

“This is the bread which came down from heaven, not such as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live for ever. This he said in the synagogue, as he taught at Caper′na-um.”

[Figuratively eat I bet.]

“Many of his disciples, when they heard it, said, “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?”” [Ha! Glad I realize it’s figurative. It would be a hard saying if He meant it literally. And now Jesus, master of the parable will tell everyone what he ACTUALLY meant] … “After this many of his disciples drew back and no longer went about with him.”

[Sigh I literally do not understand why people can’t understand when someone is speaking figuratively]