The Birth Control Pill: A Totally True Fable

Men to each other: We need a better way to convince women to engage in marital activities outside of marriage. Marriage is really cramping our style and really limits the number of women we can be with!

Men to each other: The big problem is, if a girl gets pregnant, she’s got to take on that responsibility for at least 9 months. We can just walk out of course, but they are afraid they’ll end up with a child.

Men to each other: So…we just need to convince women not to worry about that anymore.

Men to women: We’ve treated you women so badly in the past. We’ve been super selfish. You all deserve the same freedom we have.

Men to each other: (Come on there is no WAY they’re going to buy this right?)

Women to men: Keep talking…

Men to women: Well, yeah. You all need freedom like us men have to act however you like!

Women to men: Yeah! You’re right!

Men to women: The problem is, you all are sort of defective, unlike us men. You’re able to get pregnant. That’s a BIG problem. You need to stop your body from doing that.

Women to men: Wait…what?

Men to women: Yeah, if you could just take a pill every day for the next 20 years or so, to…well…stop your body from doing what it normally does…

Men to women: I mean, again, the problem is the way the female body works. We’re just proposing to completely stop that process altogether. We’re pretty sure that completely stopping a woman’s natural bodily processes won’t cause any problems.

Men to each other (whispered): and will let us be with a LOT more women!

Women to men: What was that?

Men to each other: Quiet!

Men to women: Don’t you want the same freedom we have! Hello? Equal rights?!

Women to men: YES!

Men to each other: I…can’t…believe…that WORKED. We get “love” without responsibility; we face no adverse health risks and place all the risks on the woman; we make her believe she’s actually taking control of her body, when of course, it’s actually the exact opposite. We used to have to act slick (you know: sleazy) to convince women to let us use them like this, and now they’re actually asking us to use them. It’s like a magic pill!

Men to each other: It’s THE Pill.