Recently, I heard an argument that there is no such thing as a truly selfless gift. That is, a gift with no strings attached. The reason being, the argument goes, the giver always expects something in return from the receiver. The “something” in question need not be money, or favors; it may simply be the expectation of a “thank you for the gift.” Nevertheless,
Thank you for this wonderful reflection! May I share some thoughts that come to mind on the basis of your post? Firstly, it seems that the gratitude that corresponds to gift-giving is something that the one who gives can expect - but not because his gift is conditional, but because this is something that is part of the essence of gift-giving itself; gratitude corresponds to the gift, by an essential necessity, and thus is "owed" to the giver. It is owed not by the logic of economic exchange, but by the logic of love. Also, gift-giving is about living a love-relationship, and relationships always "circulate" love; in the case of giving a gift, gratitude is part of that "circulation". In any case, it is not the GIVER who demands or requires the gratitude out of himself, but it the LOGIC OF THE GIFT ITSELF, into which he (and the receiver) are caught up, which requires gratitude. It is this logic that (rightly) gives rise to the expectation of gratitude. HOWEVER (secondly): while this first point is true "all things being equal", the question of whether gratitude should be expected in a specific case would depend on the kind of love in question. In the case of some kinds of love, the gratitude that corresponds to the gift may not be forthcoming in the immediate context of the gift-giving, or directly from the one who receives the gift. Two such cases come to mind: 1) Caritas. This supernatural form of love is primarily occurring between God and the lover, and others (my "neighbors") are caught up in this love relationship: while my love is truly directed to my "neighbor", I love him for God's sake (also, caritas includes: in my love for God, I want to love all whom he loves!). In this life, gratitude from the neighbor receiving the gift is not built into the nature of this kind of love; the love is not supposed to circulate between the giver and the receiver. But in caritas love the circulation DOES occur between the giver and God, for whose sake the lover loves his neighbor. Of course, there is an ultimate hope that I some day the love will circulate between me and my neighbor: in the kingdom of heaven. 2) The other kind of love to which this seems to apply, is parent-child love (and maybe teacher-student love). The child cannot give the kind of gratitude that corresponds to the parents' outpouring of self; even when they are adults, it seems they cannot do it. But in a way, they express their gratitude by "passing on" the love to their own children. So there is still a kind of circulation - but the love does not circulate between the parent and the child, but it circulates across the generations. A third point comes to mind: It is possible in, for example, friendships, and marriages, for each party to be generous in hidden ways towards the other, and not expect thanks. However, I still think that the depth of the relationship will be measured by whether the extent to which recipient of the gift is ultimately generally grateful towards the other. Thank you for receiving my overly-long comment!
Thank you for this wonderful reflection! May I share some thoughts that come to mind on the basis of your post? Firstly, it seems that the gratitude that corresponds to gift-giving is something that the one who gives can expect - but not because his gift is conditional, but because this is something that is part of the essence of gift-giving itself; gratitude corresponds to the gift, by an essential necessity, and thus is "owed" to the giver. It is owed not by the logic of economic exchange, but by the logic of love. Also, gift-giving is about living a love-relationship, and relationships always "circulate" love; in the case of giving a gift, gratitude is part of that "circulation". In any case, it is not the GIVER who demands or requires the gratitude out of himself, but it the LOGIC OF THE GIFT ITSELF, into which he (and the receiver) are caught up, which requires gratitude. It is this logic that (rightly) gives rise to the expectation of gratitude. HOWEVER (secondly): while this first point is true "all things being equal", the question of whether gratitude should be expected in a specific case would depend on the kind of love in question. In the case of some kinds of love, the gratitude that corresponds to the gift may not be forthcoming in the immediate context of the gift-giving, or directly from the one who receives the gift. Two such cases come to mind: 1) Caritas. This supernatural form of love is primarily occurring between God and the lover, and others (my "neighbors") are caught up in this love relationship: while my love is truly directed to my "neighbor", I love him for God's sake (also, caritas includes: in my love for God, I want to love all whom he loves!). In this life, gratitude from the neighbor receiving the gift is not built into the nature of this kind of love; the love is not supposed to circulate between the giver and the receiver. But in caritas love the circulation DOES occur between the giver and God, for whose sake the lover loves his neighbor. Of course, there is an ultimate hope that I some day the love will circulate between me and my neighbor: in the kingdom of heaven. 2) The other kind of love to which this seems to apply, is parent-child love (and maybe teacher-student love). The child cannot give the kind of gratitude that corresponds to the parents' outpouring of self; even when they are adults, it seems they cannot do it. But in a way, they express their gratitude by "passing on" the love to their own children. So there is still a kind of circulation - but the love does not circulate between the parent and the child, but it circulates across the generations. A third point comes to mind: It is possible in, for example, friendships, and marriages, for each party to be generous in hidden ways towards the other, and not expect thanks. However, I still think that the depth of the relationship will be measured by whether the extent to which recipient of the gift is ultimately generally grateful towards the other. Thank you for receiving my overly-long comment!