Recently, I had a conversation with the mother of several young children. She relayed that she was hesitant to visit some of her extended family because of the negative opinions that are sometimes offered to her about her decision to have “so many” children. “I just don’t like being judged,” she said. I knew exactly what she meant, but I wanted to let her in on the secret to these judgements that I discovered for myself. So I told her, “They aren’t judging you; they’re judging themselves.”
Thanks for this perspective! We have four under age six (praise God!), so I've been asked those kinds of questions many times. It's difficult to know how to respond... I'll remember your twofold advice the next time it happens.
Great post, Tim and great perspective. At a recent pub night for my C.S. Lewis group we were talking about this very thing and I shared your article. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
I’m confused as to why people with big families are always bringing attention to the supposed multitudes of people who are “judging” them. Maybe, just maybe, they might be over reacting to an innocent comment. If they’re confident in their openness to have a big family then who cares what others say or think? What they say and think about your family is between them and God and has nothing to do with you. Just take it in stride and move on with the blessings God gave you. Wasting precious time fantasizing and analyzing why you think they’re commenting on your family size could be time spent watching and enjoying your little ones rather than leaving that task to your older children who inevitably grow up despising motherhood because they were forced to mother their siblings.
Really appreciated this thought, especially the advice to affirm the goodness of life in response. Why do we have ____ kids? Because, in the end, God has blessed us with ____ kids. Because the ideal marriage leads to raising children in the faith to cooperate with the Holy Spirit to "set the world on fire" (Saint Catherine of Siena) and to a degree we have to surrender to God how many children we will have.
Some folks desperately wish they could have even one.
Some feel overwhelmed with ____ kids...and they need to exercise prudence and self-control within the framework established for Catholics to ensure they aren't bringing more children into the world that will encounter a broken or even damaging home life.
Our culture is encouraging us to have as few children as possible, but I do want to mention that some Christians I know credit their parents having "too many kids" as one reason why their upbringing led them to reject the faith or to at least experience quite a bit of neglect/trauma. And this isn't only for Catholics, a lot of large families can have underdeveloped relationships between parents and some of their kids. But how many is "too many"? I don't have a number in mind. Too many variables.
Thanks for this perspective! We have four under age six (praise God!), so I've been asked those kinds of questions many times. It's difficult to know how to respond... I'll remember your twofold advice the next time it happens.
Great post, Tim and great perspective. At a recent pub night for my C.S. Lewis group we were talking about this very thing and I shared your article. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Q: "You know how that happens, right?"
A: "Someone told me it was sex, but if that were true, we'd have thousands."
And then there's the comment by a friend who had 10 kids at the time. Q: "Are these all your children?" A: "What can I say, I'm a demon in the sack".
I’m confused as to why people with big families are always bringing attention to the supposed multitudes of people who are “judging” them. Maybe, just maybe, they might be over reacting to an innocent comment. If they’re confident in their openness to have a big family then who cares what others say or think? What they say and think about your family is between them and God and has nothing to do with you. Just take it in stride and move on with the blessings God gave you. Wasting precious time fantasizing and analyzing why you think they’re commenting on your family size could be time spent watching and enjoying your little ones rather than leaving that task to your older children who inevitably grow up despising motherhood because they were forced to mother their siblings.
Really appreciated this thought, especially the advice to affirm the goodness of life in response. Why do we have ____ kids? Because, in the end, God has blessed us with ____ kids. Because the ideal marriage leads to raising children in the faith to cooperate with the Holy Spirit to "set the world on fire" (Saint Catherine of Siena) and to a degree we have to surrender to God how many children we will have.
Some folks desperately wish they could have even one.
Some feel overwhelmed with ____ kids...and they need to exercise prudence and self-control within the framework established for Catholics to ensure they aren't bringing more children into the world that will encounter a broken or even damaging home life.
Our culture is encouraging us to have as few children as possible, but I do want to mention that some Christians I know credit their parents having "too many kids" as one reason why their upbringing led them to reject the faith or to at least experience quite a bit of neglect/trauma. And this isn't only for Catholics, a lot of large families can have underdeveloped relationships between parents and some of their kids. But how many is "too many"? I don't have a number in mind. Too many variables.